pills & you;

*` momentum 2008 is over and what's left is just you and me *

Momentum was DOPE SHIAT !
teeheeheee ((:

well, i was so eager watching the style groovaz to come up on the stage
and do their things uh.
was SUPERB BABE !
nyehehe ((:

and errr,
i somehow shout boyfy's name too loud
that even his friends at the backstage can hear me
lol :D

muke selambe je la eh.
chey chey,
boyfy got fan uh !
:PP

and yes,
i had a blast la
plus today also !
nyehehehe

ok, let's the pics do the talking

His GAY FACE -___-

ahhh, can see the one retarded hair there?

make up soon,
totally gay now
:P

and my keep-on-figit boyfy have his own special make up artist
ZEE !
:D

TADAAA ! after make up,
or was this taken after performance eh?
heck la !

he requested me to snap a pic of his hair
tssskkk
mr VAIN betul !

credits to SHAYEN for taking this shot for us
" DinieFerra, do you want me to take the picture for you guys? "
nyehehehe ((:

this one was luke's shot
thank you !
and love, you dont look fierce but more to BAPOK CAN?!
omgaaaaahhhh !!
:DDDD

now i think he still have the performing mood
he said
he didnt get to do the right breakdance step during performing
so he request a pics of him doing this

yes, so that is all for the pics ((:

i seriously had fun watching them
specially when boyfy groove.
i miss watching him dance
lol :D

and yes,
now is only me and you
:P

yayness !
dah holiday !
yipeeeee !!!!!
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

now im waiting for
1st: Boyfy to finish his karate training, and i cannot wait for his karate competition
2nd: Papa to reach home safely, yay! he's coming back today :))
3rd: Boyfy texting me.

LOL :D

ok dah !
and im clueless of what to do next.
nyehehe

ok, bye.

Love, FERRA
:DD

*` i wish i could turn back time and look how happy we were back then *

i dont know if we're cursed or wat
but
i can sensed that we're growing apart.

i guess being in the same school is a wrong options.
meeting frequently lead to arguments
i really think this is true.

i just want a normal us.
but i think no matter how hard you tried to change it
it will remain as it is now.

its too late
to even look back
cause we've seen so much of us
that we forget who we used to be last time

i can remember i said to my cousins
why couples always quarrel
and now i know the reasons
i wish i would have wait to go into serious relationship
but at the same time,
i feel fortunate to have you

im not regretting
i just dont know how to explain
i hope i could really turn back time.

seeing you in your secondary school uniform is much more pleased
than seeing you grow to become a man.
i want to grow up,
but there is something that make me feared.

and im still searching the guts to say.

im sorry for everything.
oh god, i hope i wont shed.

location: w34k
plug in to : Avril Lavigne - When you're gone

love, Ferra

* i love you but i dont know why unusual feelings keep coming back *

good luck for your performance tonight dude!
:D
i hope you put up the facial expression well
and dance like as though im there (:

i cannot wait to see you dance tomorrow
yes! im going for momentum but tmr's one.
heeeee ((:

to those who still wanna go,
buy the tickets
cause it wont be a waste
trust me aites :P

anw, boyfy baked brownie for me
prolly for our 10th monthsary
duuuh -___-
thank you alot.

yes, im paranoid by him just now
but he being so sweet
with brownie and make me sardine/tuna sandwich
makes me fall in love with him all again.

ah wells,
i think im not as emotionally strong
baru nk step garang kan,
tapi tk menjadi.
haizzzz.

anyway,
forget bout the past posts.
i so hate what i post
but
wells, on the spot feelings kan.

im so tired,
and enterprise UT i scored D+,
so pathetic luh !
lols :DD

argh,
cannot wait to watch boyfy and the style groovaz groove tmr night
heeee ((:

and as, yussie i knw if u were to read this
you'll laugh
yea yea.
marah2 lepas tu next post dh syg2 blablabla
lol :D

cannot help it laaaa.
tk fhm ke.
hehehe

i think that is all
wanna do rj and stufff

toodles
update more tmr.

love, FERRA :D

*` i had a blast, really *

-___-
trust me, and you're dumb.

i woke up at 8am
went out at 845am
reach at 905am

best kan?
tskkk
late again !
damnit.

and plus,
ez link $0.
cash $0
WAT A WONDERFUL MORNING I HAD TODAY.

and to someone,
stop saying sweet things to me anymore.
i somehow,
get sicked of it.

i know this is harsh
but
im really trying to say what i really feel.

im not trying to brag
but
i really cannot forget how you treat me
and most hurtful was
infront of your friends.

treat me like that AGAIN
i will show you what i will do.
what do you think i am.
treating me like that after asking me to follow you.
pfft.

where's your respect towards me?
huh?

damnit.
i still cannot forget it.

ah, watever la.
make me sick think of you.

bye.

* `the make-ups my creation, the pose, the picture and seeing kids made my day *

honestly,
i was a little upset
call me petty
but i really am.

i dont know what i did wrong
oh, prolly i dont understand you
and yes,
i agree so.

i know im being irritating and everything
but
let's just say you sometimes at fault too.

and dont say sorry
and
after tat do it again.

ahh, remember
you said that to me.

oh wells!
now listen to me for once,
i think you dont care.

just agree with me.
for once.
dont deny it.

yes, you will go against this
but
i will keep this to myself.

and going to cousins house ease a little
yes, i had fun
dollin the small kiddos
and you know,
back to old days
crap with the happy pills
and just talk like nobody cares

me, my usual self
with loud voice and
lame stupid craps all over again.
i miss those days.

oh darn,
i need to get some rest.
im super exhausted.

good luck for tmr's

goodnite fellow humand
and sorry to keep buggin you fellow readers,
with my i-dont-know-how-many-post-per-day thing.

love, FERRA

*` see how hyped & spastic we are? *

i love being in this state
you know, funny faces with boyfriend
cam-whoring which we have rarely do now.
and yea, slack and talk and crap and jokes and entertaining each other.

today is their last day final practising, i think
cause tomorrow will be the momentum day
i really wonder why they have to make it on both day
so merepeks can.

but anyway,
love i know youre tired and sleepy and
i think you're sick
but hang on there ok.
i feel like following you but i dont want to trouble you sending me home
just because you wont allow me go home by my own late night.

im goin cwp to get the shoe lace for you
at least, i do something for you
and it will at least kill sometime of my boredom.
i'll buy it for you and i'll give u tmr.
i want you to look good on your performance day
:DD

and yes,
i hope you dont tire yourself too much today
cause you need alot energy for tomorrow and thursday
and i know
you going to do well
(:

ah haveta wait for him to take the 20bucks to give to sheera
so meeting him awhile
and he will be having his prac.
just take care of yourself

you really look super tired
and it worried me out.
so please dont tire yourself ok?

i love you
(:

please make sure,
we make ourselves free on our 1st.
hahaha.

love, FERRA ((:

*` no regret meeting you *

Happy 10th Monthsary love !
heeee ((:

ahh, meeting you first break ease the pain away
chey, pain sey
no la.
haha.

ok, im happy already !
but still not happy to be group with this particular someone.
teeeheeee ((:

love,
i hope we can get through all obstacles together ok.
10th going on strong aites.

two more months to first anniversary
and my 18th birthday !
yaynesss !
legal hood baybeh !
lol :D

alrite now.
cannot wait for second break later.
heeee (:

toodles

ps: i love you DinieFaris

location: w34k
plug in to : Lily Allen - Naive

love, Ferra :D

*` yesterday was as beautiful as us *

seriously, i was ticked off early in the morning
because of three things.
first, someone was late
i wont blame but i was pissed after the second incident happened.
second, someone asked me to hang the clothes early in the morning !
this is so ridiculous la, can?
and then i get pissed at someone for being late and because of that i have to sweat early in the morning

i get irritated easily.
and being irritated lead to pissed and angry.
ah
sucks can?!
tskk

-___-

ah wells,
Happy 13th Birthday Nurul Farah Athirah,
dearest pretty cousin

and yes
to you

Happy 10th Monthsary
okie.
i hope i get better.

and sorry in advance.

and yes,
today sucks more when i have to work with some fugly creature.
ah, damn it !

pimples are so not love can !
and
everything irritating can get me pissed
so dont talk crap and shit with me today.

i agree im not in a good state

back to PDT.
bye.

love, Ferra

*` so much for missing my class *

im back to school
not so kicking but still alive.
heeee (:

i think i make boyfy angry and dissapointed so many times
and
i still figuring out how to be "perfect"

boyfy, its ok if you didnt make it for the first time.
i bet you'll do better for the second time
so dont be so sad ok.
ive never seen you look super dissapointed before

but somewhat, our saturday
which he call an " OFF DAY "
is really off.
hurrrr.
let me keep the stories all by myself uh ok.

anyway,
i get through the hip hop ig.
heeee (:

ah, think that is all.
i think i need to go to the looo very badly.

oh i got B for last week's culture
)):

alrite now.
back to modules, powerpoint, presentation.

love, FERRA

*` my sexylove performing again :D *

for the momentum.
yes,
heeee ((:

i know you're tired and everything
and i know now we getting much more closer than before
so hang on there aites.
its gonna be over soon.
and then,
it will be just between you and me.
(:

i cannot wait for the 29th,
im gonna see my boyfriend dance ,
like finally!
geees :P

so to those who havent buy the momentum tick,
if you want please inform me ok.
i can get it for you
it is just 10 bucks,
and its worth-watching.
i promise
:DD

and everybody are welcome
even the non-RPIANS.
nyehehehe ;P

ah, today they got full dress rehearsal.
make ups on,
costume wored,
accesories complete
and everyone look ultimate gorgeous and sexayye.
plus the boys tooo yaw
:D

anyway,
tomorrow haveta wake up at 6 or 545 am
and must be out by 630
so that i can follow boyfy to his driving centre for his test.

sayang, i know you can do it.
and i wont stress you out,
but do your best ok.
you're capable of everything in this world ((:
and yes,
i always have faith in you.

everyone also pray for him ok,
so that he pass
and then he can drive me around.
lol :D

ok now.
i need rest too aites.
update more soon.
and yes, cannot wait for "picnic" day with boyfy tmr.
- inside jokes -

and yes,
i got the vid on my group showcasing during hip hop boot camp.
sorry luh,
i forget most of the choreo.
lol :D
enjoy.
short vid clip je.
heeee ((:
and underpants, is love's crew

love, FERRA ((:

*` i'm happy but im drained out *

if you wondering why im so drained,
well its because,
my tiredness from the camp is not over
and
since there is no school on monday
it brings down my mood to go to school

and so,
promise only this week is a "skip" week
i'll promise to be goood next week onwards.
and so must you boyfy !

and yes,
today i didnt go school
cause i overslept !
and im too tooo toooo tired already.

aiyo.
i need some rest and sleeps.
so next week i prolly be alive n kickin like usual
and i cannot wait to be back to school.
and hols coming soon

so yes,
sleepovers blablabla
awaits.
nyehehe.

oh god.
i need to go school later
to collect money for the momentum
and
then i have to follow boyfy
prolly for awhile just to pass him the cash
and i tink off i go,
or stay for awhile.
nyehehe.

ah wells,
tmr haveta wake up early
because,
boyfy gonna have his TP test
so i promised him that i'll follow him
or he will be very dissappointed.

and love,
insyallah you can do it ok?
i have faith in you dude !
teeeheeeheee ((:

everyone play your part
and pray for him also can?
thank you so very much.

ahhhhh,
i miss my w34k !
and yes,
not been participating much
and this week grades will be horrendous !
lol :DD

no more off day on monday plsssss.

alrite now.
i wanna surf.
and yes,
today will be the hip hop results
hope i get through.
bismillah.
hehehe ((:

location: my small living room
plug in to : DanityKane - Damage

love, Ferra (:

*` time with you is priceless *

just so let you know,
you have been the greatest
to stand besides me
and tolerate all my nuisance.

you have been the most patience human being living on earth
and
because of that,
i love you so so so much.

so much that a day without you can crank me up.
no joking
and definitely,
though we had some tough day in the beginning
you end it with a wide smile
and that makes me smile wider
:))

i hope this hardship will end soon
and
i want to fall in love with you
ALL OVER AGAIN.

like how we used to in 2oo6.
and i really think,
that guy who helped me climb the ophir in 2004
was muhd dinie faris.
:D

i love you so so so much
(':

love, FERRA

*` i wish this to last *

Dearest DinieFaris,
im super sorry sayang sorry for everything hurting you and make you cry despite you want to meet me. i dont know how i want express this but im really sorry. trully, from the bottom of my heart. ive made you cry, thats a mistake ive made you hurt thats another mistake ive made you stop doing something you love thats the biggest mistake and in total im a fraud. im the most selfish brat on earth. how could i ever hurt a precious heart of someone i truly love? that is so sadist. and im really really sorry. oh god. i dont wish to break down i tried to be strong, but i think your tears make me teared and i dont know how im goin to do for presentation. oh god. love, i promise not to whine again so please please please do not quit hip hop. im begging you. and please please please don't stop loving me. please. im really sorry. i always make things worst when you try to make things all better. im super sorry im sucha bitch. im so so so so so so sorry. love, please forgive me this time round please? i love you till eternity i wish to see that heart-melting smile once again i want that warmth hug again i couldn't ask more but just to see you smile. i love you.

*` i love you still *

ah, fcuk the weather can?
i was sweating like a pig early in the morning
and
you know i hate to sweat when goin to school.

but heck now im fcukin cold already.
i wish boyfy bring jacket for me.
yes, he got dance prac again today ah, forever la.
im getting used to it already.

anyway, i was high yeasterday night
" drunk "
so, i crap lah.
heeeee (:

told you not to take it to the heart,
still you sms me like that.
aiyo.

UT was ok.
wanna do work now.
ah, hungry :/

love, FERRA (:

*` thank you for bother reading my blog and still care, i love you too (: *

dearest bestfriend,
i miss you alot
and
your msg make me thinks that im being loved by you still
(':

and thank you for those who care
and
show me your careness and kindness.
im totally fine.

told you im not going for class right,
and i met boyfy for awhile to take my cash
and i cannot help it to held the tears.
im not trying to be emo or what
but i dont even know why i shed.
and its alot.
heeee (:

i told myself that i dont wanna meet him
but
eventually, due to some circumstances
we have to meet somehow.

and yea,
im fine after that.
like always uh.
duhhh ~
:)

i followed him to book his last driving lesson
before he go for his test this coming 24th.
and i had fun though.

but still
the dissapointment comes
when he have to go for his dance practice
AGAIN, i know.
yes due to that momentum event.
grrrr.

the last he said was,
" try not to bad mood "
i said " insyallah "
cause my feelings is unpredictable.
you know, i can change out of the sudden.
only those close knows la hor.

anyway,
i cannot be selfish
and
i understand
but i just cannot accept the fact that
that la.
i dont know.

ok, forget it.

tmr culture UT.
damn
-___-

alrite now.
i better get going.

ah, he didnt msg me
even after he asked me to msg him
can you do the honour first?
and when i msg him,
he didnt even reply.
yea, dance prac.

shesssh.
toodles

location: my small and cute living room
plug in to: James Blunt - I Really Want You

love, FERRA

im not angry

im not sad
im just a lil unhappy
for i don't know why

i wont be coming to class
because
i got no mood.
but yes, im still in school
and im thinking of going somewhere
but i don't know where.

i need someone.
but definitely not you.
cause i will show tantrum
and i dont wish that to happen

so i guess
i need to find sometime on my own
and
im learning to be very independant.
at least, for now.

im not saying goodbye to everything yet.
but
just a small bye for now.

you know what i mean,
that bye.

so, BYE.
ahhh, crap.
i know.

)':

location: RP, somewhere out there
listening to : james blunt - carry you home

*` i miss you badly *

oh boy.
only god knows how much i miss you alot
and each day passes makes it more harder

i wonder what you're doing now.
are you done with your dance preview?
or are you otw home already ?
please text me.
or i'll get so so worried.

its already 10.23pm now
you said you will be finishing at 9 or latest by 10.
but you still havent sms for me.
oh god.

ah yes,
im super hungry !
i craving for McD.
haha :D
i hope tomorrow get to eat lunch there with boyfy.

raaah.
back to school.
wednesday will have UT.
and my body is still aching badly.
darnnn
-___-

i better get going now.
boyfy please text me.
you love to make me worried eh.
ishhh.

goodnight all .

love, FERRA (:

*` you make me smile *

bright morning.
give you a wake up call.
and hearing your voice,
make me miss you so so much.

i hope to see you soon, love
(:

and don't be late for your dance practice ok?

i love you.

* `i love you till eternity (: *

the boot camp was uber fun.
i mean, i get to meet new people
and i get to groove

but somehow,
on the first day
i wasnt able to catch up the beat, and my choreo tat being taught was totally screwed.
the bboy part, was
horrendous !
lol :D

i feel such a loser seh,
like i cannot do the baby freeze, or watever they call
i was so scared i injured myself, thats why

plus, i was so angry with bf
which idk why..
i just felt so angry,
and almost give up la actually.

but however,
the nite was the most beautiful thing have ever happen in my life.
talk to boyfy before dozing off
and yes, i cried coz i was so tensed up

plus, we have to come out with our own choreo within our group
and
have to showcase it,
i can remember vividly the steps.

but then,
it was like so hard to catch up with the beat
prolly because,
i think i have a lazy legs,hand,butts.
nyehehehe

boyfy never fail to motivate me
although our group finish all the choreo like at 2pm?
worst still, we have to perform at 230.
how rushing can that be.

i was almost giving up
but somehow,
i still do it.
and yes, i like our choreo la, pricesly
haha.

but i tink i screw up ALOT
during the showcase part.
dont know eh.
nvm, i dont want to think already.
i think ive tried my best,
so yes.

and even if i dont get in,
i dont really mind
cause there is always bf to teach me moves and yes.
he can always help me anytime i want.

and yes,
i will never fail to support him.
so to all,
who wish to see how good my bf can dance
come to the Momentum this 28 or 29th ok?

oh yah!
the funny part just now was,
at the last the seniors told everyone that my charming boyfy and shuling is a spy
like everyone give the oh-my-god faces.
nyehehe.

boyfy super duper cute can?
yea, everyone want to kill them if they got the chance too
lol :D
and my friend, Natasha
she wanna kill me for knowing boyfy and knowing his a spy
im so innocent lah ((:

aniwae,
the camp was fun but damn TIRING
i have body aching
bet everyone does.
the PT was like wat.
the bboy and hip hop warm up was like HELL.
so in total, we suffer THREE MOMENT OF "SUFFERING"
but however, i can burn fats
so must make full use of it.

and i went home without boyfy today )):
he have to go for the seniors meeting
and
reached home terus KO!
haha.

i woke up around 8 plus,
and my house is damn dark!
like for real, nobody come back since just now.
everyone working
left me, HOME ALONE ):

thank god is holiday tmr!
i can chill at home and ROT
tues will be back to school days.
hmphh!
capek dechh -___-

rj need to be done
somebody remind me ok
wanna do it tmr

and and and
boyfy driving test is this coming sat, 25th may
i want to follow me cause he ask me
kononye source of inspiration and motivation lah gitu
hahaha :DD

insyallah you can do it ok love?
i know u can
u always do the best for everything ((:

alrite now.
im tired
webcaming with boyfy now (:

so yea.
thats all
update more SOON, HOPEFULLY
lol :D

toodles all.

ps: I miss DinieFaris and i love him alot, can? :P

love, FERRA :DDD

i bet boyfy fall in love with sims already.
went to play sims with him during second break-out.
and he's like so eager to play it.
wont even let me touch the game.

tskkkkk
-___-

im happy to see him happy ((:

love, Ferra

i think he's angry with me.
it's better to shut,
i think

:/

bye.

that was what im feeling early in the morning
the fact that i miss him, cannot be deny
but the fact that im angry with him also cannot be deny.
and so, i choose to go to school alone
and thinking of going break with my friends.

butbutbut
something happen that change the angryness to love and happinees
since there is UT, i decided to reach school early and thus, i walk to school.
as i was walking,
( i bet you all know what i wanna say now )

gotta hear this, very exciting
i was walking
saaw ryan, say hi to him
seriously, i was hoping not to meet boyfy.

then then then
the guy in blue was walking beside me.
i can sense he is looking at me,
so i turn and look
then turn again
and say " EH ! "

taaadaaa!
it was my charming boyfriend
whom im angry with and decided not to meet today.
but yea, met him
and
i crack like hell uh.

i mean,
both of us crack like hell
and
we cannot keep smiling.

and wells,
i think that brighten my thursday morning
angry morning to suprise morning and to happiness morning.

so change of plan,
going break with him.
heeee.
im happy la,
and yes, i love him so so so so much
though ytd im a lil cranky.

and love,
I REALLY LOVE YOU
REALLY
AND DESPITE ALL THIS SHITS,
IM HAPPY TO MEET YOU
AND
IM SUPRISED !!!

haha.

im feeling happy
and
UT gonna start,
i think im gonna flung.
haha.

alrite now.
toodles

ps: DinieFaris, promise me you wont make me angry anymore. ok?

timecheck: 8.53am
location: w34k

love, FERRA :DDDDD

i told you i do not want to meet you
but
you insist too
so serves you for keep asking me to listen to you.

you want me to listen and understand you
but
even that i think you cannot do.
if you understand me,
you wont want to force me to meet you
coz, you know i wont talk.

but since you want to get that "nasty" treat from me,
well suits you then
i don't care.

and yes,
im tired and cranky
so why keep pester me?
by asking me many times you already pestering me.
tskkk.

and yes,
i knocked-out just as i reached home.
i was darn tired and sleepy
since in class.

and mind you,
im still paranoid by you
and i dont wanna meet you tomorrow
heck whatever you wanna say.

im offf now.
and yes,
keep doing your things.

and yes,
i wont rely on you to do things anymore.
and i think,
im so used of not having you sending me home.
so i want this to be a practice.

and i think you becoming more irritating,
honestly.
geees. do something about it.

bye.

love, FERRA