pills & you;

*` secrets are meant for only the both of us to know *

sleepover was great,
though some people just have to spoil my day
and it is freaking irritating.

that aside,
i had fun and lots of laughter after a decade not seeing her.
it's true that once your secondary school lives are over,
you will be just busy with your poly/ite life and everything else that matters

there will be much more you need to prioritize rather than to be with your friends,
that is why treasure them all you can
before you get busy into the serious world.

so thank you dearest Farain
for making my weekends a joyful one
and i know you love me truckloads.
((:

and yes, i miss spending time with love's family though ):

and school tomorrow.
im so darn tired.

i think i should hit the bed now
while talking to my darling boyfriend on the phone.
* he accompany me to sleep all the night, sucha sweetheart*

Goodnight people of the world.

ps: i love you Muhd Dinie Faris more than ever.

Love, FERRA
(:

*` it was a wonderful night to celebrate our special date *

Happy 16th Monthsary, Muhd Dinie Faris bin Alwie !
(:

im glad that we're still strong together
and
have been happy with each other throughout these years.

and yes,
to celebrate our monthsary
we went to the Masquerade thingy in RP.
It is the Flame Awards 2008 !
and yea like i said the theme is masquerade
so we dress up like the above pictures.
i don't know if it look masquerade enough.

mask was designed home-made by love,
and my clothes were mix and match by the both of us.
and for him, it's all his design.
talented right?
even smelly pak said he should join la'selle.

some of them commented that my mask is beautiful and creative,
and what i wore is nice
(:
thank you lovelies.

the show was super 'marvellous'!
and the emcee did a 'great job'!
and
the food is so 'delicious' !
-_-

tskk, thank god i didnt pay for coming to this event
i would regret to come if i have to pay
haha.
it was the most horrendous thing ever

but but but
the thing that i enjoyed most is that,
after so long didn't go dance
i get to meet up with the lovelies
and yes we ended our day with dancing at the 400 seater studio
sort of a 'mini partying' ah.
:P

and so the day went quite ok afterall
put aside the food,emcee and the show itself la kan.
and one more thing.

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY AMIRAH,
THE MISS CUTEY PIE !
((:

till here then,
i need to get some rest now.

GOODNIGHT!

Love, FERRA
;D

*` whenever i look outside the window, i believe that there is just someone out there who are not satisfied with everything that they have *

suddenly i just feel like talking about this
something that most people probably have gone through it, i believe
it's either they being the stalker or they are being stalk by others.

i believe most people would deny themselves as being the stalker even though they are the one that have been doing it,
they keep on denying it and keep blaming others for 'stalking' them and
act like as if we are the ones at fault and been disturbing with their life.

i mean it's like you-know-it-yourself,
so no matter how many times you try to fake yourself
people still think you're a big fat loser who just feel insecure of yourself
and stop with all the bullshit that the another party who start it, blablabla.

it is not only me who get this kind of shit everyday,
but most of my friends get it too
and it is so irritating that for once i feel like saying to them
just go f*** your own life and mind your own bloody business.
and yes, stop saying that we are the ones who have been messing up your life.

and all this hate-tags are so annoying can?
so much of being a loser you are, and you're just making yourself so low
by putting 'anonymous' and fake people's names.

brave enough to criticize people but
scare to even put your name,
why?
scared we know that you are a loser who just jealous of others happiness
or scared that we know who you are and you're ashamed to face us after that?
oh wells.

there is to some extreme extent that these stalker can do by,
actually created a new email address and add us in their msn
and they act like some other person be it a guy/girl
and slowly try to dig in into our private lives
asking about our school, relationship, family, blog url and whatsoever they wanna know.

they can also create a new account in friendster/facebook/myspace
acting again, like they are someone else
( i mean, which loserish stalker will let people know their true identity )
and add us and then view us and kpo again.
the cycle keeps on going.
or they can also ask their friends to add us
and then they view our profile or such by using their friend's account.
so merepek can?

i really don't understand these people.
sorry if i offended any of you out there,
but reality check:
you know who you are.

and beside stalkers, there are also posers
who wanna act like they are somebody
when they are actually nobody.

and i don't wish to elaborate on that part.

why can't you guys just be yourself?
and
why you guys are so bothered about other's people life?

well, i think i know the answer.
but it's time for you people out there
who are the person itself, to think about it.

i bet you know who you are,
right?

so stop all this hate-tags
and if you dare,
say it face-to-face instead of
claiming yourself as 'anonymous, piggy and blablabla'

this is so to stop all this hatred, argument, fights, quarrels in the world
i ain't pin-pointing anyone
but it's time for you all to know and see the real world
stop all this hate-tags thing.

ps: when i say stalker it means that they are the one who give hate-tags and acting like someone else and when they read other peoples blog, they will give a negative comment on them in their blog. so bimbo-tic.

some people just love pretending.

that's all folks.
toodles

Love, FERRA
(:

*` some people are plastic who wear mask and beneath that mask hide the real side of them *

tomorrow with be the Flame Award 08 !
OMG!
and i've yet to prepare what to wear.
darn
-_-

anybody willing to give idea?
hurhur.
i need to get this done man!
i got some idea what to wear but not sure if those things available in my wardrobe
cause they are so many things in my wardrobe.
lol :D

anyway, met amirah, denisia and hakim during breakout 1
im so missing they all!
specially that cutey pie and the 'paris' denisia
not forgetting some other girls in hhig.
i miss them alot

that me and amirah keep hugging just now
haha
and gonna meet up with them later for 2nd breakout
and catch up on alot of things.

im so excited!
and today's ut was ok la,
but i hope what i do is right
i got the idea and i rmbr i learn it already
but somehow, i forgot if i do it rightly or not.
ok watever.

till here then,
update more.
need to think what to wear for tmr already!

toodles.

Love, FERRA
:P

*` it is still as beautiful as it is since when we're still in downtown *

yesterday i had alot of fun,
camwhoring session with the dearest
at RP's Park.
and yes we spent about 1 hour camwhoring after class ended.

there are more pictures
but i just edit few of them
and have no intention to upload the rest.
heee (:

by the time class end we hit the park and find a good spot to camwhoring
suddendly i feel the urge of taking photos is there
cause it have been ages since i camwhored.
boring, i know.

( off for awhile to listen to the faci)

ok, back.
today's topic is about realism and anti-realism.
quite interesting topic,
though its kinda confusing as the day goes by.
hee (:

and today's third meeting
we will be doing quiz only.
no presentation
and 6p will be in few minutes time.
cool or cool?!
hahah :D

i'm thinking of camwhoring again later,
cause we won't be goin for dance.
:P

till here then,
GOODAY!

location: w16p, RP
timecheck: 11.50AM
plug in to: team's discussing

Love, FERRA
:D

*` in times of need, the bestfriend you have is just phone calls away *

Dearest Farain,
thank you so much for being so caring and concern
i'm glad that there is still one bestfriend who care so much about me
even though we rarely meet.

i promise i will sleepover your house one day
and
we ought to tell each other stories.
god knows, how much i love you.

i feel tired and sick and exhausted
of things that i got and need to do.
seriously, the house in deep mess.
it is so messy that for once i just feel like running away.

but fret not,
cause if i were to go away,
who would look after and clean up the house.
and i've been doing the house chores
and boyfy is being sucha sweetheart by dropping by and give me a helping hand.

thank god i have a boyfriend who knows how to do house chores,
and it ain't no sissy.
it's something that not all guys have and i'm proud to have him
watever it is, at least he's trying to help.

anyhoos, my body itch like crazy.
due to the sunburn
and boyfy thinks i look eurasian
cause my face and body is red.
hurhur.

today i also sleep like a pig!
it's been ages since i last had a very long and good sleep
but when i woke up at 5pm plus,
i felt like there's a giant stone on my head
my eyes and head feel so heavy
that i feel like sleeping again.
lol :D

yes!
boyfy just told me something,
he buying some stuff at some shop!
and it's my brownie!
he's gonna bake me brownie later
and i will get my brownie tomorrow!!!

yippeeeeee!!!
i so cannot wait.
i've been wanting that brownie since ages
and i'm willing to pay him 1million just to get the brownie
(inside joke, lame i know)
haha

watever it is, im getting my brownie tomorrow!
and please be jealous.
im so gonna indulge the brownie!
teeheeheee ((:

till here then.
update more soonnn.

Love, FERRA
(:

*` our journey is never ending cause we ought to go through more of it together *

so today we went on a trail with his parents and their friends from his mom's workplace.
had lotsa fun
even though it is tiring and
the weather is effing hot can!

i enjoyed it
though i keep on whining how tired my leg is.
and took 100 over pictures
and i cannot possibly upload all the pictures here.

after that around 1 we head to West Coast to play kite,
and boyfy is sucha happy boy
cause he managed to get the kite very very high up on the sky
and the kite even covered by the clouds
so its like mission accomplished!
cause i so wanted him to make the kite go in the clouds
heh (:

yep,
it's amazing how high the kite is.
seriously.
when we wanted to go off already as it was gonna rain,
we started pulling it

and i keep on pulling but the kite still like no different.
its so high that we took about 30 mins or so just to bring the kite down.
now, try to imagine it.
heeee (:

and yes,
i got sunburn at my arm, face and neck
thanks alot !
haha :D

oh wells!
i had a wonderful day though.
and now, i ought to hit the sack
cause boyfy is already sleeping
( we're webcamming with each other )

goodnight lovelies.

ps: i want boyfy's brownie.

Love, FERRA
(:

*` i keep on wondering when will it be like the last time *

i just misss you,
the old you
who was once understanding and not demanding.

the old you who love me for who i am
not trying to change me into someone you wish for
and
i know it's a good change
but it's not the time yet

i won't go around to exposed myself like how you think i will
i know my limits
and you have to.

being more close doesn't mean controlling each other, right?
so why is there a need to control me?

when i'm trying my best to set you free
do your things,
mingle with your friends
and letting you have your life

here you are,
stopping me doing all the stuff i'm doing.

what i'm leading is my normal life
and you're trying to change it.

everyone agree i've changed a little
i spend more of my time with you
and they keep whining
but did i ever once complain ?

i need my space too.
please stop bombarded me with questions
and give me the sarcastic face when you don't like what i wear.
or worst still, laugh sarcastically.

i wanna live my own life.
just stop doing this to me.
that's all i'm asking for.
i miss my old life, somehow.

but i know,
this life now is effing beautiful too
(minus off the controlling part)
it will be more than superb.

ps: i hope this make you think a little,
i love for the person you are
and not what i want you to be.

im sorry for being rude and all to you,
i love you a lot
and i don't wish to prolong this,
cause it's not necessary at all.

so please understand.

GOODAY now.

Love,
FERRA

*` i will always be right here waiting for you in times you need me the most*

you asked me that question once,
and there are many days that you asked that same question
especially when you're feeling down like this,
and my answer will forever be
yes, i will ALWAYS every milliseconds remember you.

seven more days and it's gonna be our 16th monthsary
i know its nothing compare to some other couple who have been for years.
but it doesn't matter to me
cause we know and those who are close to us knows
that we've been together since the first time we met in 2006.
and meeting you at Ophir in 2004 is never a regret.

please get well soon
cause i hate to hear you saying you're in pain
it breaks my heart
cause i know it's not once but most of the time you said the same thing.

anyhoos, tomorrow will be having Enterprise UT
i hope i can score well, though.
hmphh.

till here then
boyfy asked me not to sleep so late.
heee.

toodles and GOODNIGHT!

Love, FERRA
(:

*` brothers can be annoying but they are still the best *

dearest brother,
even though these girls hurt you
don't waste your energy and time
reminiscing those memories and even care about them anymore.

i know you're strong physically, emotionally and technically,
you don't give a damn about all this shits.
and to those who have hurt my dearest brother,
i doubt so he will forgive you.
and yes, please feel bad about yourself.

he maybe annoying but his the best,
if you think he playing tricks behind you
oh you so wrong!
you just think you know him,
but fret not!

and what worst is that,
you happen to date out one of his close friends
oh that is very bitchy of you!
sorry to hurt anyone,
but truth is truth and you have to face.

now you got it,
so say goodbye
and don't even try to look back
and asking for forgiveness.

and if you think i didn't know anything
you're so wrong
my brother is my brother
and he is nicer than anybody else.

i'm kinda pissed
people did this to him.
pffft~

GOODBYE NOW!

*` you're the one who light me up when i'm in darkness *

i don't know what is wrong with them
but
i will try to be there for you even in your bad times.

please get well soon,
dearest dinie faris.

i love you alot
and
my heart break seeing you so sad.

you take a good rest now,
and tomorrow ok?

GOODNIGHT love.

Yours Truly,
FERRA

*` you will dream of me , and i will dream of you together under the same shelter *

i would say that everyday is a perfect day for me,
but as for today
it is much more special than usual.

this is because,
my super sick boyfriend sleepover my house tonight.
and all thanks to his fever.
he haven't been feeling well since morning
and continue with fever in the late afternoon

and since he sent me home,
i ask him to rest for awhile.
i gave him blanket, pilllow
and cooked for him porridge and maggie cause he wanted my maggie so badly.
hurhur

and bro also asked him to eat panadol,
so that makes him even more weaker
therefore, we all ask him to stay over
cause i won't let my boyfy go home alone by BUS in that condition.

right now, this instance
he is sleeping soundly in my living room.
and it just make me weak to see him feeling so sick,
yes im worried
and he have been complaining about breathing difficulties, chest pain and everything.
sighhh.

anyhoos,
i'm sleepy but i dun wanna sleep now.
it will be a total waste to sleep early
cause i think today is the only day that boyfy sleeping over here.
grrr.

but too bad, he sleep here when his sick
bummer
-_-

till here then,
GOODNIGHT LOVELIES.

Love, FERRA
:))

*` i thought i was wrong, but it turns out right *

finally i change my blogskin
well, it is something simple
and erm,
thanks to someone
all my links are lost.
hurhur
;/

currently waiting for momsie to reach home.
and im home alone!
allah, please protect me.
really, im serious.

now, mom pls reach home ASAP!
grrrr ;//

Goodnight now.

Love, FERRA

*` we're all in this together to bomb the stage *

and finally! MUSE if over and done with!
which means.....???
i'll be having more free time now,
and i can go home early after school!
sucha heaven!
:DDD

no doubt,
we all had fun
well, i had a lot of fun yesterday and i hope my friends and specially boyfy had fun too.

it's been ages since i perform on a big theater,
and the last was at Victoria Concert Hall
and i so missing this feeling.
but now, i want more of it!
cause it is super fun to dance there with those people i love!
:PP

anyhoos, today's class is superb!
i think i am slowly doing well
and yes, classmates are able to accept me
and yes, we can communicate more now
(:

and now, me and boyfy planning where to go after school,
mayb jogging or play badminton!
heee.
i want i want!
i miss playing badminton!

till here then,
wanna drill on my counter-strike a little more.

update more sooon!
take care people!

Love, FERRA
:DD

*` let's have this last night together for the rest of our lives *

Muse is just hours from now!
and i am so very super duper excited about it
:DD
i so cannot wait to perform can?!

this morning i was in between of coming and not coming to school,
due to my sleepyhead and my headache
i still come to school as i am so aware of my disastrous grades
thus, i become a very good girl today.

i wish my grades all will change to a better ones
cause im sick of getting this kind of shitty grades.
hurhur
://

anyhoos,
i feel bad with my new roomate, Cempaka.
she's being doing the house chores and cooking all at once
while im in school dancing.
i just don't want her to regret staying with me.
haha.
promise, i'll do house chores after MUSE!

yes! tomorrow i'll be home early like i use too!
oh! i so missing that feeling of getting home early, you know.
ah wellls.

still i cannot wait for tonight!
i hope i'll be on my best and i didnt screw up,
thats all.

till here folks!

ps: i love my boyfriend a lot, very random but yeah.

GOODAY!

Love, FERRA
:P

*` i need someone to hold my back,
but seems like there's no one *

today is so fcuked up.
sorry for being vulgar
but that's what i really need to let out.

today i had the feeling of being free from control
free from anyone
and i can just go anywhere i want
and i can talk with whoever i meet without someone getting jealous and restrict me too.

i just feel free,
and i miss this feeling
very badly.

i hate to be control
but i just cannot afford to rebel and say NO.
yes, it is indeed unfair for me.

i know i feel guilty after this cause i surely hurt someone's feelings
but
i need to let this go just once.

and yes, another pathetic thing that add more to my fcuked up day,
someone told me that the design i want to wear for my performance
is like 'biting' this someone design.

like what?
i look at H** and see what H** wear all or what?!
assshole.
don't mention that person name infront of me.

fcuk H**!
BITCHFACE!

im so pissed right now,
like totally!

im seriously off this shit, pigheads!

ps: to anyone reading this who feel offended, you've read it so don't bother ask me who, why, what, how, blablabla cause i won't give a damn answer and whoever think they are the one just don't ask me anything more and HUSH, and take note. UNDERSTAND?

*` it's good to have you here with me,
so you feel safe all the time *

Cempaka have moved to my house on last Friday
:D
i'm happy cause i got someone to accompany
and also i am able to help somebody in need.

i hope she will feel comfortable although
my house is not big enough and we have to cook on our own
since my parents is in KL.
I hope she is able to adapt to the new society.

anyhoos,
wednesday will be our Muse'08.
i hope i didn't screw up!
haha.

and yea,
I GOT MY FRIST A FOR ENTERPRISE!!!
WOOOHOOOO !!!
i'm delighted can?

on a second note,
my weekends have been spent fruitfully.
i followed boyfy's family to go out
on Saturday went to fish farm!
oh i so love it!
and on Sunday we went for a picnic at ECP

i had a blast though i'm a little tired now
but
i had fun, that is the most important thing
(:

till here then,
second break will be goin to woodlands centre with dearest dinie faris
to find some stuff.

till here then.
* faci's here ! *

timecheck: 11.02am
location: w16p, RP
plug in to: the class chatterings.

GOODAY!

Love, FERRA
:))

*` sometimes i wonder if this is what i want,
or maybe i am just insecure *

i don't know what have been running in my mind
i don't understand why i think this way
words are lingering in my head to describe what i am feeling now
but yet, i couldn't find an answer to anything.

perhaps my mind are tricking on me.

just perhaps ....

this thinking is very unnecessary.

Good Day, FERRA
(:

*` i don't know if i should panic and just ran away from here,
or keep breathing and act like there's nothing *

IM.WORRIED
IM.WORRIED
IM.WORRIED
IM.WORRIED
IM.WORRIED

I'M FREAKING WORRIED OK!
AND
I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT!

OMFG !
RAAAH!

GOD, PLEASE HELP ME
CAUSE THERE IS NO OTHER WHO CAN HELP ME BESIDE YOU
AND
I DONT WANT TO OVERSLEPT AGAIN!

IM WORRIED!
AND I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE NOT STARTED THE BAD HABIT IN THE FIRST PLACE!
SHITTTT.

AHHH!
HOW I WISH I COULD TURN BACK TIME.
DARNNN.

OK
GOODNIGHT
://

*` summer love happens so fast, but our love never end *

lets just say i make a more proper post now
performance just now was great ; i suppose
and yes, i sure had lotsa fun though it's an about 5 minutes performance
i love the crowd and everything.
heee (:

and i gave boyfy what i bought for him yesterday in KL
oh and by the way, i went KL on saturday by my own
and return here on Sunday with my 1st bro.

i hope he likes the Nike Bottle and the Remote Helicopter
cause i tried finding the shoes he wanted
but to no avail
i'm sorry love ):

and today, class was ok
group members was awesome and though topic is a little dull,
but enough to get rid of the Monday Blues.

and i hope tomorrow and so on,
i will have a great time in class.
* fingers cross *

and yes, Muse will be next week
i cannot wait to end it quick and perform it well
but at the same, i'm sure to miss these busy days
oh wells, every good things have to end right?
heeee :P

anyhoos, i wore a yellow shirt for dance practice
and coincidentally it was same with Seri's.
i thought she was going to change or something
but nahh,
and we were using the same performance pants.
so that what makes us wanna take a few snaps of it
((:

and my day ended pretty well,
boyfy know what i meant
and yes, i love you dearest lover boy
and i thank everything a lot
cause even when i'm busy dancing i am able to see you even by far
and we get to spent time together more than the other friends who have their bfs/gfs not in the same school and ig.
heeee (:

i think till here then
waiting for that boy to reach home safely
and i'll hit the sack soon
:D

ps: never say GOODBYE but say GOODNIGHT !

so, GOODNIGHT
toodles

Love, FERRA

Love, FERRA