pills & you;

today or was it yesterday
27th February 2009, was our 19th Monthsary.
and well,
HAPPY 19TH MONTHSARY DINIE FARIS.
:D

i hope this relationship can last long,
cause i know and you know and he know
we love each other dearly.
and this relationship is very sincere.
i hope you had fun with me and them just now
((:

i almost forget about it today,
cause i really don't be bothered about the date
cause all i know i have to go dance and do the daily norm.

and i only realised when one of my crew mate, Hakim
asked me what's today date.
so i looked at my watch
and i can say sardine-ly that it's 27th.

then i give him a second look and say OMG! ITS 27TH!
hahaha :D
i am so busy with danceworks that i actually forget about it.
and i think love is waiting for me to sms him first.
-_-

and we had pastamania for dinner,
i let him tried apple crumble pizza
which paka introduced me too
and he love it so much as i do.
((:

and he planned to buy brownie but since the sch's cafe has closed
we went to cwp to grab donut
but end up we ate pastamania.
i hope i have made his day
:P

and guess what,
someone threatened to bash me up.
he/she tagged at dinie's blog.
tskkk.

i can easily make a report if i want too
so at the same time i can know who is that pathetic person
and what he/she really wants from us.
like as if we care if he/she hates us or especially me.
-_-

and before farah went off she said this 'update me if budak kampong tu tag again'
whenever this cousin of mine talk,
she will just say anything that can hurt people
but i guess, that FAKE FERRA is really a typical budak kampong.
and yesterday like yaya papaya say want to bash me up,
now like some scary cat say he/she said he/she childish la wat la.
BIG LOSERRR.

and i have a high feeling that it is a girl.
oh wells.
i don't know..
whoever he/she is, at least i got a life by not stalking/spamming others.

alright till here then,
prolly going out with mom tomorrow.
goodnight.

Love, Ferra
(:

*` spending time with loved ones make my life a little easier *

yesterday attended zee's chalet at costa sands.
it was ok despite there's something happened there
which i shall not mention here
and yes,
HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY ZEE ! :D

hope your wishes all come true,
and may you succeed in your future endeavors.
and don't sad2 ok?
(:

dance practices have been taking up a lot of my time lately,
and yes danceworks is just next week!
omgaaawwwdddd !!!
i'm pretty excited and worried though.
hurrhurr.

mom's here,
for few days i think
and she and my aunt will go back to Kl back.
and mayb after danceworks im goin there too.
i'll be bored thenn... sighhh..

anyway, i havent been sleeping yet since ytd's chalet.
ok, mayb about one or two hours
but still it's not enough,
and im gonna sleep like crazy tonight.
heee ((:

ahh, im not sure wat happened to boyfy's lappy.
im scared his lappy crash due to idk wat.
sighhh.

and yes the other day we nearly give away roxy to pet shop,
but tk menjadi.
like abit sad and scared we will miss her.
though i never touch her before, -_-
hahaha :DD

alright till here,
gotta hit the sack
i need some sleep badly.
and tomorrow will be another busy day.
heee ((:

goodnight.

Love, Ferra

*` to be honest i do love them, but now i realized i don't really need them anymore *

do i sound emo?
haha :D
fret not.

im super tired and exhausted
and more importantly, im super STRESS.
not only dancework to think off,
i need to think about studies and financially and home
and there is just a lot for me to do.

everytime reach home from dance, work or anywhere
the house will in a very big mess.
that can lead me to being stress.

during practices, by repeating the steps all over again
can lead to another stress.

while checking the letterbox
and see many many letter from government,
can lead to more stress.

and today,
i just get to know i have to repeat one more module
and i have yet to retake my O'lvl science
and this is another BIGGER problem that leads to MORE stress

by thinking of how i have to settle every of my problems my own
is very stressful.
i wish to have more people that i can rely on.
someone who is sincere and trustworthy.

if you think not getting enough allowance from your parents is stressful,
wait till you be in my position.

i'll get scolded with brothers for not cleaning up the house,
i have to work for myself to get what i wanted but with what im earning now ,
i dont think i can even afford a shoe that i've been eyeing for.

i cant afford to break down infront of everyone
i dont want to find sympathy
but deep inside it really hurts.

i feel sad for people who do not treasure their stuff
and take things so lightly and for granted,
cause they don't know how tough their life can.
they haven't yet feel the bitter side of the world.

at this point of time,
i wish i can cry on my bestfriend's shoulder.
she have been the one who understand me very well.
and i really miss her now.

and for now,
i thank my bf, paka and seri
for at least lend me their ears.
and i somehow thankful that i have them.
at least they are there during my bad times.

i jusy miss my parents so so much now.
)':

sorry to waste few of your precious minutes reading my entry,
i know it's nothing exciting
but i just need to let it out.

and i dont mean to sound sympathetic,
AT ALL.

goodnight.

*` this pretty boy can make me happy, sad, excited, hype and everything
but at the end of the day, he still love me very dearly *

have been spending time with my sexy love for three days straight.
yes, this is to make up for about a week we have not meet during mine and his busy days.
so we took this weekend to spent time with each other.
although ytd's outing was only a while but i still had fun.
we went bowling with his family and reached home around 3am.

just now went to yishun to survey pet store to send away my four hamsters.
if anyone wants, im selling it at $5.
they are only 2 months old.
if there is no one, i'll probably will be giving them away at pet store within this few days.

spending time with him was marvellous.
we had so much fun talking and walking aimlessly like how we always do.
and we also planned to watch the bloody valentines 3D.
heee ((:
and whatsnot, we sorta having fun laughing at the FAKE FERRA
who spammed my boyfy's tagboard.

people nowadays prefer to do the unproductive things.
and they got time to even spam people's blog and leave hate-tags
like as if we care like that.
and the most funny part, he/she tagged him at the time while we're still in the MRT otw home.
tskkk -_-
stupid stupid stupid.

anyway, there will be dance prac tomorrow.
i hope everyone won;t be late cause they know we dont have much time
but people still take their own time.
pffft. it irritates me sometimes.

till here then,
goodnight readers.

Love, FERRA

19th June 2006 !
gambar classic mautnye...

21st February 2009

*` i will never let you go and i believe we can make this relationship happen *

today is my off day.
and so i followed the other dance mates finding costumes
but end up me and boyfy go separate ways cause we spent too much time at Far East eating and finding costume while they all at Bugis already.

and since it have been days since i last met him,
so it is sort of a date for us too.
cause tmr and sunday i will be working
and next week will be another busy week, so not sure when will i meet him again.
so im taking this time to spent quality time with him,
since i have spent alot of my time with the dance mates during practices almost everyday.

but overall, i had fun
cause at least i meet the lovelies
and also my boyfriend.
but the sad thing, i still cannot find any pink sweat/cargo pants.
hmphhh!
very the leceh.
hahaha :D

anyhoos, boyfy's old motorola hp
the one that he brought when we went Downtown East
it was 2006 then,
the first time we went out together beside meeting at Ophir which was on 2004
that classic phone still can be used!
hahaha, suprisingly.

and so i found that photo above,
i know we look like ....
just don't mention it
but it's memorable
those were the times when we were still in secondary school
and i still remember the conversation we had with each other.

me: eh next time if want to meet how eh? i stay woodlands, you stay pasir ris.
him: yah eh, how ah? woodlands very far.
me: pasir ris more far. fair we meet in the middle.

hahaha :D
so next meet up was at Bugis.
go study with his bestfriend, farhan and his ex, Ainul.
well, those memories still linger on my mind.
and im thankful that, even when there's a very hard catastrophe
we still have each other to depend on.

and yes, i really had fun today
and wish more of todays will come in near future.
insyallah...
and wish i can follow him for bowling with his family tmr,
but sadly... workkkk...
sighhhh.

alright till here then,
goodnight readers.

Love, Ferra
(:

*` if that's painful, remembering your past is even painful *

i just got to find out something
and yes, that something is somewhat i've felt before
and didn't wish for it to happen.
but since now, it's happening
i let everything fall into its own places.

i won't force neither will i stop.
if it is meant to be like this,
well be it and i don't wanna think about it.

anyhoos, dance come work is super tiring.
the girls always say to me i look really tired,
yes i am.
indeed very tired.
i shouldn't whine cause there's others who are tired also.

end of this month will be my last day of work.
wth!
hahaha.
i wanna find some other work place which offer higher pay
maybe i'll be more enthu to work like how Paka said.

ah wells, i guess i have to hit the sack now.
tomorrow work at 9am continue with dance till 9pm!
atleast better than working from 9am-9pm!
hahaha :D

alright, goodnight lovers.

Love, Ferra

*` everyone still have a kid in them and i bet you're not that mature enough like how you claimed you were *

today larry's lesson was abit wasted for me.
i think i've wasted my time, cause i didnt do anything much.
the class was fun like always,
but im not doing my part cause i was almost half-dead.
im super tired
and many many things lingering on my mind.
so i can't really concentrate that well during class.

tomorrow will be another dancework practice
and work will be in the morning again.
urghh, i think i need to quit this job so that i can concentrate on dancework
and at least i won't be tired for work or practices.

i miss my parents badly...
when i went home just now,
no more mom asking me to clean up my stuff and everything
and my house is in deep mess.

kitchen is in deep mess.
clothes not wash.
sighh, i wish mom will come backk here..
so i won't feel lonely.
at least, not when watching cinta fitri.
):

aite, till here people.
goodnight.

Love, Ferra

*` the love i get since young is different from the love you showered me with now *

parents left this house, country about one hour ago.
seriously, i miss them already ):
i havent had enough of them yet, i want them here again like how we used to previous years.
i want their presence.
i miss them real badly now, i feel like follow them to Kl.

but i can't.
cause i got other commitments
such as work, dance and school.
sighh..

tomorrow will be back to cooking maggie.
no more mama's food, no more commenting about sinetron cinta fitri 3 with mama.
and there will be no more dad to ask me to find for him dvds so he can watch it at night.
grrrr ://

i dont know why i feel very sad now.
the house is so quiet now.
i rather listen to mom's talking abt BGR and nag abit about don't come home late blablabla
rather than having a very quiet house, it doesn't feel good.

and at night, i will be hiding under my blanket again
cause i'm scared if i ever see anything in the darkness.
at least if there is her, there will be someone for me to hug too
and i never feel scared to sleep without even using blanket.

and yes, i havent had a good long chat with dad.
i regret going dance just now.
at least i can spent more time with him...
))':
sighhh.
i wanna follow them to Kl ....

now they're otw there already,
hope they have a safe journey and reach there safely.

and yes, i don't feel like goin work again
or should i say i don't want to work?
it's tiring and just exhausting.
waking up early and blablabla.

and dance so far is ok for me.
i need to buck up alot and yes, more things need to be done.

on valentines day, i finished work at 2pm.
and after that head home.
last minute boyfy asked me out around 6pm plus.
so we went out, mom let us use the car
so we went to ECP to just walk and talk.
and order Mcd Drive through.
and yes, it was just a simple date.
and no balloon no nothing but just sincereity.
(:

and yes on Sunday,
my beloved bro the first one
got Gold Medal for the Sea games selection competition.
almost the entire big family of mine was there to watched and witnessed it.
so by end of this month he will be going to Hong Kong to represent Spore
and insyallah, if he win again he get to go Vietnam for SEA Game 09!
:DDD

i'm so proud and happy for him
and finally his dreams come through.
and so everyone is happy for him and wish him all the best
(:
i hope nobody or nothing will stop him from fulfilling his dreams.

so yes, that's about it.
i'm kinda tired to blog these few days.
its just so tiring.

and yes, I MISS MY PARENTSS.
I WANT THEM HERE
I WANT THEM BACK
I JUST WANT THEM AND NOTHING ELSE !!!
:'(((((((

goodnight.

Love, Ferra

*` if only we have this, i would want the two of us to go far away from here and live happily *

just awhile ago boyfy was here, right by my side.
just awhile ago he was here to help me do hamster's house.
just awhile ago he was here to accompany me to CWP.
just while ago we had a big argument which lead to a fight which lead to tears which lead to laughter.
just awhile ago i feel like i'm nothing but a burden to him.
just awhile ago i hurt him badly that he teared.
just awhile ago i nearly say things that i should n't even think and say at all.
just awhile ago i thought asking him over is really not a good idea at all.

and now, i know i sucks real bad.

i wish all these never happened if it wasn't for my stupidity and selfishness.
i wish that i could turn back time.
i wishhh...
sighhh...

it hurts me badly to hear all those words coming out from his mouth.
well i guess, since he know me better
i'm sure he mean what he have said.
and it hurts real bad...

ohh, this just sucks.
today is my BAD day.

and i just hate today.
Friday, 13th February 2009 !
ahhh, Friday the 13th!
WHAT THE HELL !!!
-_-
no wonder...

i'm gonna sleep now.
goodnight.

Love, Ferra

*` my eyes and heart is not as blind as yours *

woke up with bruises and body aching
due to ytd's bboy lesson.
it was hard to even bend when i was at work to do my job.
and it was harder to even laugh with the colleague, cause my stomach seem to contract real bad.
so there it goes, to make myself better (:

work was ok,
somehow today feel like time passed by quickly
and ended up i have to work alone with my manager at night.
the rest of them went home,
and first time i did closing and all
and i guess it wasn't that bad at all.

and tomorrow will be working morning again,
and dance will be after that.
i think this week i haven't have my rest yet.
saded.

anyway, im kinda disgusted with some people
and since i still respect them so i guess i will never put anyone's name here
and it is safer to tell all this to my boyfy cause he is the only one that can be trusted.
cause like you know, people like to spit unnecessary things just like that.
so i guess, i wont say why i'm disgusted with them.

and yes, i see hypocrisy almost everywhere.
be it from the closest people to me or just some other random people.
but well, nobody is perfect...

on the brighter note,
almost everyone i know is ecstatic about Valentines Day
and gifts have been ready and surprises have been made
even some people would go all out just for this day.
and they would spent like a lot for their loved ones.
i'm happy for them who are excited for that day to come, and i hope everything went smoothly for them :P

whereas, when people ask what have i buy and everything,
i'll say Nothing.
cause every time with him is special to me
i'm not expecting or asking anything anyway,
so when the day comes ( well, im working also )
i guess meeting him will be the best of everything.
cause what we had all this time is nothing but just sincerity.
so neither me or him is asking anything but a long lasting relationship, amin.
(:

oh but i hope he buy me the teddy bear that cost 750 coins at Pet Society !
hahaha :D
the bear is SUPER DUPER CUTE CAN?!
i so gonna get the teddy bear at pet society for my darling Tiadorey!
:DDD

alright till here i shall end the post.

ps: thanks to Rose and Pak for giving some comments (:

Goodnight lovelies.

Love, Ferra
(:

*` with your boyfriend you can talk and do anything under the sun *

today i did quite alot,
or should i say i achieved quite many things too during dance practice.
finally, i get to overcome my fear
and yes i won't stop trying.
heee :D

but yes with good achievement
comes with hardwork
and thanks alot, my body is filled with bruises now.
-_-

anyhoos, actually i wanna thank boyfy for spending time with me.
today i laughed alot and everything
like for once, i totally enjoyed today's lesson
not that i didnt for the others but just today is much more cheerful practice for me.
very hyperactive...
haha :P

and yes, friends around me also help to brighten up the day
after suffering from bad leg aching
due to work.
and though the run was hectic, but still i enjoyed.
:DD

oh and me and boyfy had a long talk
we talk non stop about many issues
be it about the ig, personal and everything.
and it is just not enough.
well he agreed (:

there is just too many things to say
and what's best is that he understand me better
well, besides my dad
and he is just very trustworthy to talk about all this kind of things.
it goes like, i can talk to him anything under the sun !

and yes, i think the talk is so gonna be continued.
well, i hope.

now i'm whining real bad.
body aching, there's work tomorrow and DANCE !!!
dance at 9am !!!!
-__-
well, i hope everyone can make it on time.
and please make sure and don't be NATO.

i think i couldnt think of anything else to say,
i need to get my beauty sleep cause tmr i will be 'WORKING 12 HOURS!'
-_-

waking up at 8 again?
tskk.
so much for having holidayssss...

alright, till here.
goodnight.

ps: Do people always say GROW UP to others whenever they're not happy with what other's blog?

pps: when people blog, means they are either experiencing it or they witness it, so why must other being such a 'SWEETHEART' BUSY BODY comment on others and say things like, ' you dont even know the real life'. so if you, know thats your problem. DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE? and remember, no one also ask.

pps: REMEMBER, THIS IS MY BLOG. so i say what i like to say and if you're not happy then leave, LOSER.

Love, FERRA

:DD

*` is it easy to walk out of someone's life and now crawling to them to fulfill your own intentions*

i think there is a lot of people who are making use of others to get what they want
to fulfill their needs,
but in the end they only give false hope and toy around with others feelings.

be it between people whom they call ' friends' or 'lovers'.
i bet everyone of you have fall in love before.
but how do you feel if that person you love dumb you,
and then they come back to you just to fulfill their needs
but in the end, they mean nothing.
Z.E.R.O. !

to us who actually witness it, we know that it is wrong
but why can't we do our part and tell them
what is wrong and what is right?

isn't it pitiful to just toy around with others feeling.
they will surely feel cheated, IF THEY KNOW.
but some people just could n't realized their mistakes.
or some they know, but they act sotong just because they love that someone dearly.

i feel it's very unfair.
so what if you got reputation?
so what if you got looks?
but if your heart is as dirty as trash, there's no meaning to all the beautiful things you have.

cause sooner or later when people know the real truth about you,
they will just hate you
and that's when you will commit another mistakes.

its like repeating your filthy attitude at others
so its like, change of victim.
get what i mean?

i saw this alot,
and it is still happening.
i hope retribution will get back to them soon.

in this point of time,
is there really people with true heart and feelings?
i know there is, but very RARE!

i really wonder,
what's the point of thinking you're so pretty and charming and whatsoever
when at the end of the day,
all you do is ditch people.

you're just taking things for granted
and making other people suffer
cause of your nuisance act.
how pathetic can your life be.

i wish someday,
all this things could stop
but i doubt so ....

till here,
and no offense to whoever get offended.
maybe you're acting like one too (:

i wonder how cheap can you be...

Love, Ferra

*` i wish you're happy with the life you're living in now *

*` if ever you feel like you've torn into pieces, i always here to guide you *

morning fellow bloghoppers.
(:

now im chatting to that smelly boyfy of mine
hurhur
he havent bath yet...

yesterday went out with him.
to job hunt at cwp
but end up in dissapointment.
lol :D

but then i got few numbers to call,
mayb they will hire me.
and i think it will be such a waste if they didnt hire me
cause according to the lovelies
" ferra is a good promoter"

yes, just because i promote my hamster to them,
they came out with that quote.
hahahah :DDD

today thought of goin to aminah's house with marsh
cause she said she's not feeling well
so mayb just wanna give her suprise, you know.
but then...
marsh also falling sick.
sighh.

everyone is getting sick.
the weather must be very bad eh.

oh! and yes, yestd i went to arcade with boyfy
to try out the new game
the stimulator thingy
it was fun!!!
and pening, i tell you...
hahahhaa :PP

seeing my roomate go school make me somehow miss seryecondary sch.
hurhur.
though i dont miss the studying
and yes, that remind me of i have to register for retaking my science.
tskkk.
very the leceh, you know...

i think till here then.

and erm,
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TOBI!
this was suppose to be yestd post but but but kan,
like lazy to update ytd.
heeee ((:

alritey till here,
toodles lovelies.

Love, FERRA
(:

*` i wish we could stay strong together even in good or bad times *

*` it feels good to see everyone faces again after quite sometimes *

had family gathering
come birthday celebration and mini wedding celebration for the newlyweds.
and of course everyone enjoyed it.

it was fun till it last.
and food was super delicious
and everyone was super active.
i dont know what that means
but i totally enjoyed my weekends though.

parents and relatives from Kl came
and some of aunty's relatives from Singapore came too.
since we celebrated it in Jb.

its good to have a big terrace house to squeeze everybody in
cause guess wat,
if you think my cousins in the pics is alot wait till you meet the others.
haha.
there's alot who cannot make it cause busy with blablabla.
and like usual, its hard to meet with my cousins who are about same age as me.
there is total five of us but end up im the only one there
the rest, no idea.
-_-

but nonetheless, spending time with the kiddos keep me happy.
and yes, i feel good spending time with them.
though paka and the bf cannot come,
but wth.
yang penting happy.
hahaha :D

Congratulations to Om mus and tante ...
i forgot her name.
haha.
and he's my uncle from Indo, so my dad's cousin.
something like that.
finally dah married.
((:

there is many many pictures
but all in aunty's, cousin's camera, phone.
so yes,
i didnt really snap alot using my hp.
too busy helping my aunty take photos using her digi cam.
and how i wish she still have her DSLR camera.
sadeddd ):

anyhoos, goin for dance later.
hope to meet the girls
cause i miss them already.
heeee .

and yes meeting bf too.
cause he gonna lend me his PSP!!!!
hahaha.
but still, i will call him selfish.
-_-

alrite till here
before connection runs out.
heee.

arghhh, im missing the barbies alot lot lot stilll
):

Gooday.

Love, FERRA
(: